Someone I knew came out. Nothing new but she is an ordinary person and I always associated ‘coming out’ with celebrities so her public declaration surprised me. In fact, I never understood coming out.
“Was I still inside, I asked my buddy who snapped that I was insensitive to gays. Honestly, I was provoking him into discussing the issue, to help me figure out why make the announcement. Was it necessary?
“To have to come out suggested that you are different,” I say, ‘in any case is coming out only for gays?”
“It means you were keeping a part of your life private and is now making it public,” he replies.
“Why,” I ask.
“Are you a child that you have all these whys,” he answers and returns to his reading leaving me to ponder.
I’ve always thought that gay people and everyone else should follow his or her sexual orientation in choosing a partner and introduce that person to the important people in their life. So I never understood ‘coming out’ apart from the cases of celebrities, into whose lives outsiders feel they have a right to poke. After all the speculation, a celebrity is likely to say ‘this is the story, takes it and leave me alone’.
I argue with myself that all relationships are kept private during the delicate early period and when you reach the couple stage, you allow it to become open. Some people you seek out to make an introduction, like your best friends or parents; others find out naturally. You don’t deny it, you admit it with pride.
Is that coming out, I ask myself. I instantly think I am wrong because ‘coming out’ suggest a public announcement.
Then I thought once more about this ordinary young mother posting her female lover on Facebook and proclaiming “me and my boo” to the world wide web of people.
Perhaps her reason is the same as that of the celebrities: “let the people talk and get over with it.” The avalanche of criticisms, congratulations, that peak of gossip/discussion will soon decline to a few whispers and then silence. Why walk slowly up the hill of gossip and hidden partnership when you can race to peak and head for normalcy?
I recalled a manager who announced to a staff meeting that his marriage was over. Two months later, it came up during a discussion on invitations for a staff function and it was discovered that workers who were absent from that staff meeting did not know of the separation. The news had lost its gossip value so quickly that in an office known for rumour mongering, the otherwise juicy bit of information was squeezed dry by the announcement and did not spread outside the meeting.
So the manager came out. Is there a life lesson here for all of us, I asked myself? Apart from our sexual orientation, we keep some ‘personal matters’ private while the public speculate, should we ‘come out’?
Pregnancy was one of these private matters, years ago. In the Caribbean, you would tell your inner circle that you are pregnant; the others found out naturally as your body grew. Now everyone is coming out with their pregnancy’ check the scans of the four week old blip. I know of the start, finish and mid-streams of many love relationships; I know where everyone is going or went; what they cook and if they got drunk or had a spliff.
Thanks to Facebook and other social media tools we are coming out with everything. We seem to have a desire to bury privacy and expose our every step to the world. Is that why my ordinary friend came out? Was it that necessary? Was the natural road too hard to follow? Is it a fad; a mimicking of celebrities? I am still trying to understand.
- Why Can’t We Stay Out Of Jodie Foster’s “Closet”? A Perspective On Celebrity As A Fetish (thenarcissisticanthropologist.com)
- Jodie Foster comes out as gay at Golden Globes (timesofmalta.com)